


Bad Moon on the Rise

by dk323



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brainwashed Sam Winchester, Desperate Castiel (Supernatural), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26506354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dk323/pseuds/dk323
Summary: Set after 9x23 before the events of 10x01 (the time in between when Sam and Cas work together to search for Dean).Following Dean’s “death” and abrupt departure, Sam and Cas try to pick up the pieces. The two of them find comfort in one another. They form a relationship-- one neither had planned on but that they fall comfortably into. Sharing a bed soon becomes more than just simply sharing a bed.Trouble arises when Sam announces that Jess has miraculously come back to life. He’s eager to spend time with her. Cas is suspicious of Sam’s behavior, that he has forgotten his hunter sensibilities -- one of which is exercising caution.Weakened by his fading grace -- borrowed grace from months ago expiring on him--, Cas knows his options are limited in getting Sam to see the truth. Cas needs to regain his strength. For that, he needs power. But Cas soon learns that it'll take more than a power grab to save Sam.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10
Collections: Sastiel Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the Mods of the Sastiel Big Bang for running this challenge. I enjoyed participating in this! 
> 
> Thank you to my Artist, [Kingstoken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingstoken/pseuds/kingstoken) (AO3) for the amazing artwork!! I love what you created for this story. I had fun working with you. Check out her awesome art here (also embedded in this story) and please leave some well-deserved love. Thank you!: [Kingstoken's Art for "Bad Moon on the Rise"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26580394)
> 
> Thank you to my Beta, [KJ_Graham](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJ_Graham/pseuds/kj_graham), for providing me with helpful feedback. Your comments and review of this fic was much appreciated!

_I see the bad moon a-rising_  
_I see trouble on the way_

[from Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival]

In the early evening, Cas watched Sam enter the motel room with a disappointed look on his face. Sam was dressed up in his suit as he’d just returned from checking out a lead at the local police station. Tossing the suit jacket on the chair by the window, Sam walked to the round table and grabbed the lone beer bottle on it. He twisted off the top and downed about half the bottle in one go. He set the bottle back down with a loud clank. He groaned, and then he finally turned his attention to Cas.

Climbing out of the bed, Cas couldn’t stop the yawn from coming out of his mouth. He put his hand to his mouth and then looked apologetically at Sam.

“Did you find anything?” Cas asked him, already knowing the answer. But he still remained hopeful and he wanted to hear what Sam had to say.

Sam rubbed the back of his head, his lips set in a thin line. “Yeah, no, same as it’s always been for these past few weeks. I thought I had something, but that fell through. I still don’t know where Dean went. Or if Dean is even the Dean we both know.”

Cas went to Sam’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder in what he hoped was a gesture of comfort.

“We  _ will  _ find Dean. We have no evidence that he’s dead, so he is still alive. And if Dean is not himself, then I have faith that you can bring him back. You will, all right, Sam?” Cas tried to get through to Sam, tell him the words that he had to hear. 

Sam sighed. “Yeah, I hope so.” 

There was a pause before Sam spoke again. “Look, Cas. I’m sorry.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. “For what? You don’t have anything to apologize to me for.”

Sam shook his head. “No, I  _ do. _ I’m taking advantage of you. I’ve been so focused on finding Dean, that it’s been easier to lean on you. More than I should. I’m just -- not in a good place, Cas, and this thing we have… you don’t deserve that.”

Cas frowned at him. He put a hand on Sam’s cheek, forcing Sam to look at Cas. 

“You are  _ not _ taking advantage of me. I understand the situation. And I am fine with the current state of our relationship being temporary. I still feel awful about what I did to you a few years ago, letting you suffer the trauma from Hell. I should have never broken your Wall. So you should not, under any circumstances, tell me you are sorry. I am sorry, and I know words will never be enough to heal that wound.”

Sam looked at Cas thoughtfully. He raised his hand and removed Cas’s hand from his face, gripping his hand as it dropped back down by Cas’s side. 

“No, that was history, Cas. You should let that go. You transferred that trauma into you, your mind broke for weeks after. You saved me. In the end, that was enough for me. So, please, you gotta make peace with that.”

Cas let out a smile. “We should make an agreement then. You must stop the belief you’re taking advantage of me. And I will not allow my past transgression against you to trouble me any further.”

Sam took a moment as he appeared to consider the words. He nodded. “All right. Sounds like a plan.”

Cas stepped forward and made the first move. He reached out and grabbed Sam’s face, hands on either side and he leaned up as he kissed Sam.

Sam allowed him to do so. He walked backwards until he hit the bed and he let himself fall back on to it, careful not to have his head strike the backboard. Cas moved on top of him, feeling grateful for his time with Sam. He was happy especially to see Sam so relaxed as he looked up at Cas. 

Cas couldn’t help but smile wide when Sam returned the kiss, with the same or maybe even greater enthusiasm.

Sam pulled away for a moment, getting his breath back before he said, “Maybe we should take off our shoes,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Of course,” said Cas.

He moved down Sam’s body, unbuttoning his shirt and then taking off his pants. He tossed the clothes off the bed where they landed on the floor. He finished with taking off Sam’s shoes.

Sam paid back the favor by doing the same for Cas. 

Laying back down on the bed, Sam watched with intent as Cas approached him. Cas returned to his place above Sam. 

"This is better," said Sam with a grin.

"Yes," Cas said easily. He enjoyed observing Sam and how his hazel eyes glowed as he looked up at Cas. They seemed to have an inner light inside of them. Cas felt honored to bring that out in Sam. He looked beautiful. Up close, his hair framed his face perfectly and his expression shone with love and trust as he stared at Cas.

Cas simply couldn't resist kissing his inviting lips. After a moment exploring Sam's mouth, Cas moved down his neck and smiled against his skin when he heard Sam moan. 

"Don't stop. Don't stop," Sam urged Cas on.

Cas continued down leaving soft feather-light kisses on Sam's chest all the way down to his waist.

The Grace inside of him began to rise, a consequence to his present happiness. Cas tried to avoid the feeling of fatigue. The level of borrowed Grace was low, but he did his best not to allow the weak feeling to ruin this time with Sam. Instead, Cas smiled at Sam's relaxed expression. 

His Grace did a nice job at easing the tension out of Sam, to give him this much needed moment where he felt safe and cared for. 

Cas felt his heart beating faster and his strength was failing him. As he feared, he was now paying the price for the release of Grace. No matter how minor it was.

Fading quick, Cas got up off of Sam. He laid down beside Sam with an apologetic look on his face.

Sam looked at him worriedly. "I saw your eyes flickering from white to blue. I know your Grace is failing. If there's any way I can help, you know I'm here for you. Do you think you can survive on borrowed Grace forever, Cas?"

Cas tried to reassure him. "I can manage, Sam. Please don't worry about me. But thank you for your concern. Even now with Dean missing."

Sam placed his hand on Cas's cheek and then moved his hand up to stroke Cas's hair.

"With your friendship and support, I have faith we'll find my wayward brother."

"Just friendship?" Cas asked, his tone teasing.

Sam smiled, giving out a huff in response. "Yeah, we've gone past that. So, would I be your human lover?"

Cas replied with a kiss to Sam's lips. "If you want. Just "lover" is good for me. I care very much for you."

"Me too, Cas. I feel the same." Sam said with feeling, his eyes shone with affection as he looked directly into Cas's eyes.

Cas sensed Sam wished to say something more, but he remained silent.

So Cas spoke instead, "You are beautiful." He told Sam simply.

Sam grinned, pleased at the compliment. "Thanks, Cas. You're an angel -- sorry, bad pun. Low blood sugar. I probably need to get dinner. Want to come?"

"Don't apologize, Sam. And yes to joining you for dinner. With my low Grace, a meal would be a welcome idea." Cas decided.

Sam granted him a soft smile. "Okay." 

++++

**At dawn the next day, Sam** woke up and he smiled when he turned to see Cas sleeping beside him. He looked so at peace that Sam couldn't bear to wake him. Pulled in by temptation, Sam reached out his hand to run his fingers through Cas's dark hair. He wanted to kiss him, but he preferred Cas to be awake for that. 

Cas woke up-- Sam giving him an apologetic look as he removed his hand.

Cas reassured him. "That was nice. You didn't need to stop."

"Glad you think that," said Sam. He looked relieved. "Was planning to head out for an early morning jog. And maybe I'll grab some coffee too. Can't leave without saying goodbye."

Cas took the initiative and kissed Sam tenderly on the lips. 

"Just what I needed," Sam murmured with a smile against Cas's mouth.

He returned the kiss with fervor, shifting position so he covered Cas as the angel lay below him. He gazed up at Sam with affection in his piercing blue eyes.

Cas watched as Sam got ready. He still felt a little sleepy, which he knew he should be concerned about. It really showed the dire straits his Grace was in. But Cas wouldn’t let that put him in a dark mood. Being with Sam helped to lift his spirits. He smiled as Sam said his last goodbye with a wave.

“If I kiss you goodbye again, I’m sure I’d never want to go,” Sam admitted with a grin.

Cas waved his hand at him, urging him to leave and do what he had to do.

Cas looked forward to Sam’s return. Though it wasn’t easy, Cas mustered up the energy to climb out of bed and make himself useful. Maybe he could head out to get something to eat? Or got out for a walk. Perhaps even check in what was going on in Heaven. 

~ * ~

Sam was shocked to say the least when the last person he ever expected to see was in the coffee shop. He was in line, waiting to give his coffee order when he did a double take. He saw a tall blonde woman enter the shop.

That face, the smile -- he could never forget it though it had been years, a decade more or less, since he’d seen her alive. She was wearing light blue denim jeans with an off shoulder burnt orange top. 

“Jess?” Sam uttered. 

She smiled, nodding. 

He left the line he was in and approached her. He couldn’t believe he was actually seeing her alive.

“Hi, Sam,” she said with a small smile.

“Oh god… Jess. I-- how are you?”

“I’m doing better now that you're here. I’m just so glad to see you, Sam,” she said with enthusiasm.

“Can I?”

He opened up his arms. She nodded and Sam embraced her. His old memories and time spent with Jess years ago came flooding back. He’d missed her. 

Before everything had gone south, he honestly felt like he’d had a real chance with her. An opportunity to have a normal, peaceful life away from the dangers and hardships of hunting. 

He smiled to himself as he recalled their dates and their nights up late studying. Sam never thought he'd get a second chance with her. But here it was, Jess was right in front of him.

Reluctantly, Sam pulled away from the hug, letting Jess go.

"Do you want to sit down and talk?" Sam asked her. "I want to know what you've been up to."

Jess smiled brightly at him, her eyes brightening as she looked at him. "Yes, I would love that. I've missed you, Sam."

A small warning voice in Sam's mind reminded him that he should question this more. He was a hunter. He shouldn't accept that Jess, who died years ago, could just return, flesh and blood, out of the blue. Jess could be a shapeshifter or some other supernatural creature. 

Sam refused to ruin this reunion by being suspicious or checking Jess over to check if she was supernaturally compromised.

He shoved the small voice deep down and ignored it. Sam felt better when the voice had gone and he could focus on Jess. They both ordered coffee and Sam felt happier than he had in a while as he watched her speak. 

She looked beautiful.

++++++

"Sam, you're back," Cas said with a smile. He watched Sam enter the motel room.

He soon sensed something off about Sam. Though his Grace was in poor shape, it was still able to detect any strangeness. Cas was especially tuned in to Sam. He worried about Sam in the time following his brother's disappearance. 

So Cas was concerned when Sam gave him a wide smile. What alerted him about that was Cas was certain the smile wasn't for him.

"Sam, are you okay? Did you meet someone?" Cas ventured, guessing Sam met with an old acquaintance. 

Though Cas was largely led to believe old friends of the Winchester brothers were very rare. So it was especially lucky that Sam had this unexpected meeting with whoever he or she may be.

Sam nodded. "Jess. Jessica Moore -- my old girlfriend from when I was at Stanford. She's back. She's  _ amazing _ , Cas. I gotta go, okay? I'm heading out to California with her."

"Sam, while I'm happy to hear that, Jessica is dead. I saw her in Heaven. She's at peace. She can't be here on Earth."

Sam looked annoyed at Cas telling him something he didn't want to hear.

"Yeah, well, when did you last check? Recently?" Sam argued. "She could have returned. Someone gave her a second chance at life. And Jess chose to see me. She wants to spend time with me. We can get back what we once had."

Cas raised his hands in surrender. "All right, Sam. If this is what you want, then I'll accept that. I can go to Heaven to check if Jessica is still there. If I tell you she's in Heaven, will you believe me?" Cas wondered.

He felt doubtful in Sam's current state that he would believe what Cas told him.

Sam shook his head. "Jess is back here. She's happy. There's no way she could still be Upstairs. If you want to check, then fine," he ended, the last word 'fine' coming out harshly. 

Cas looked at Sam sadly. "I hope it is her," he said. 

Though inside, Cas's heart broke as he felt Sam was distancing himself from him. Would he lose Sam's friendship? Nevermind their time together sharing a bed. If he didn't tread carefully, Cas would be left watching Sam slip through his fingers. He would miss Sam. 

Sam gave a small, pleased smile as if he appreciated Cas appearing to agree with him. 

"I got to grab my stuff," Sam declared. 

He went around the motel room and collected his belongings.

Cas watched quietly, his ill ease growing, as Sam was busy packing up. Unfortunately, Sam was also ignoring Cas, barely even looking at him.

After he was finished, Sam went to open the front door. 

"Sam, Dean is still missing," Cas reminded him. "He's _ your brother _ . Don't you want to find him?"

Sam looked at him with a shrug. "The note said to let him go. I'm gonna let Dean go since that's what he wants. Don't worry about finding him. If Dean wants to see me, he'll find me."

Cas's eyes widened at Sam's words. He quickly composed himself.

"Okay, Sam," Cas said in resignation. "You have my number." 

Cas hoped Sam would contact him, but he was uncertain about that.

Sam nodded. He gave a short, "Bye, Cas," and he was out the door. 

Sam was gone.

Cas sat down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He looked up at the ceiling. He needed to make a visit to Heaven.

That was the best place to start.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Cas stood by the wall next to the door bearing Jessica Moore's name. He frowned as he thought about what he had seen. Everything had been in order. Nothing out of place. Jessica's private paradise was as she desired and she seemed perfectly happy. 

Now the question was who had contacted Sam? Who was this imposter who had all too easily convinced Sam she was his old girlfriend?

An angel standing guard a few feet away looked over at Cas.

"See? Like I said, she's in there. She hasn't left." He said, appearing pleased with himself as he smiled.

Cas shot him a glare. His fellow angel was not helping.

He shook his head and started his walk down the hallway. When he saw Hannah coming from the opposite direction, he couldn't help but smile.

"Hannah, it's good to see you." Cas told her and he truly meant it.

"I'm surprised to see you in Heaven, Castiel. Your borrowed Grace, it's fading, isn't it?"

Cas gave her a tight smile. "Still low, but I'm feeling well enough."

"You don't look all right," Hannah said in concern. "You should take care of yourself."

"Thank you for your concern. But I'll manage." Cas reassured her, dismissing his current poor state of health. 

The situation with Sam took priority. He wouldn't let his fatigue stop him from figuring out how to help Sam. "There is someone on Earth pretending to be Jessica Moore. And she has convinced Sam she is that person."

"Sam Winchester?"

Cas nodded.

Hannah looked hesitant about what she wanted to say. 

Cas granted her a questioning look. He asked, "Hannah? What is it? If you're aware of something related to Sam's current situation, I must know." His tone was urgent.

"There are rumors circulating that the demon Ruby is on Earth. She was able to escape the Empty," Hannah let him know, sounding reluctant to reveal this. 

Yet she pressed on, "We believe the Empty was offered a deal it wanted to take. Maybe an exchange for Ruby with another demon. Most importantly, the Cosmic Entity, ruler of the Empty, is believed to have shapeshifting abilities."

"The Entity could have given those powers to Ruby so she could shapeshift. Maybe even into Jessica Moore."

"Jessica? Sam Winchester's former girlfriend?"

Cas nodded. 'How do you know that?"

"When you came here, I wanted to know why you were looking into that woman's Heaven. I recall there was talk of her some years ago during the Apocalypse days. When the Winchester brothers were a focus of attention. Her death spurred Sam to return to hunting?"

"Yes. And now Jessica is back. Or likely Ruby posing as Jessica."

"What will you do about it?" Hannah asked him.

"I don't know. Dean would be able to get Sam back to his senses. He is not an option now. I fear if this Jessica impostor is truly Ruby, then one wrong move and she may stab Sam in the back. She could end his life." Cas voiced in worry.

"The Winchesters killed the demon Ruby?"

Cas nodded. "Sam doesn't like to talk about it. A few years ago, Dean told me about what happened. Sam had a hold on the demon while Dean stabbed her dead with the demon knife."

"You believe Ruby would seek revenge against Sam? It was Dean who dealt the fatal blow." Hannah pointed out. She looked confused.

"I don't know how Ruby feels now about Sam," Cas countered. "There's every chance if Sam breaks free of her spell over him that Ruby will kill him before Sam attacks her."

Hannah nodded, seeming to understand Castiel's view of the situation.

Silence settled between them. Hannah looked like she wished to say something, but she remained quiet. She must have changed her mind.

Cas studied her for a long moment before he broke the silence. "Hannah, I require your assistance. I need to go to the Bunker. Would you join me? I don't think I could help Sam on my own."

"Castiel, I'm not sure. I'm needed here in Heaven."

"Please, Hannah. I would appreciate it. Please." Cas very nearly pleaded with her.

Hannah sighed. "Alright. Do you mean the Men of Letters Bunker in Lebanon, Kansas?"

Cas nodded. "Yes, that is the one. I need to review the anti-demon warding. If this Jessica impostor is truly the demon Ruby--"

"You don't want her entering the Bunker."

"The last demon Sam and Dean would want in their home is Ruby." Cas said decisively.

"Let us go then," Hannah said. She put her hand on his arm. "Perhaps you can get some much-needed rest there too. I will not forget your poor health, Castiel."

Castiel looked down at the hand on his arm and back up at Hannah's concerned expression.

"Thank you, Hannah. I will try," he tried to reassure her.

Silently, Cas thought to himself, 'When Sam is saved, only then will I rest.'

++++++++++++++++


	2. Chapter 2

Cas and Hannah chose to take up residence in the Bunker library. While Cas felt tired, he still carried on and double-checked that the warding was securely in place.

He did his best not to notice Hannah's worried looks directed at him. Cas was grateful that she didn't insist he head to his bedroom to get some rest. 

Cas stood up to go for a walk around the Bunker. He hoped this would wake him up. 

When he was in the War Room, he heard the thud of shoes coming down the stairs.

Surprised, Cas watched Sam enter the Bunker.

"Sam, I thought you would be on your way to California," Cas told him, confused.

Sam still seemed off as he gave Cas a tight-lipped smile.

"I'll be quick. I have some stuff in my room I need to take. That's all."

Cas hated that Sam didn't appear to want to talk to him. He'd already turned away, heading in the direction of the hallway where the bedrooms were located.

Unable to simply let Sam pass him by, Cas grabbed his arm and gripped it.

"I need to give you an update about Jessica Moore. I went to Heaven. Her soul still resides there. She is happy."

Sam frowned, not looking happy at the news. "You got it wrong. Jess is here on Earth. I know it really is her. You don't know her like I did, Castiel."

Sam addressing him by his full name was like a punch to the gut.

"Yes, I understand. But Sam you must be careful. I believe this woman you see as Jess is really a demon in disguise. A demon who has access to shapeshifting abilities."

Sam continued to look irritated at the topic of conversation. "Who is this demon?"

"We are of the belief it's Ruby. The one who manipulated you to--"

"I know what she did!" Sam interrupted with a shout. 

He forcefully took his arm back, removing it from Cas's grip. "And it's  _ not  _ her! You're wrong. Who is this 'we' anyway?"

"A fellow angel, Hannah, informed me that Ruby escaped the Empty. The Empty is where demons and angels go when they die."

An indescribable look passed over Sam's face. Cas was hard pressed to decipher his expression. He wasn't certain if he detected a hint of jealousy in Sam's eyes? Was Sam possibly envious of Hannah? 

Cas shook his head. That was jumping to conclusions far too soon. With the Jess imposter having Sam under her thumb, Sam couldn't possibly be jealous of Cas's associating with Hannah.

"Hannah told you Ruby escaped? And who is she -- this Hannah? What is her role?" He demanded to know. He gave Caw a hard look.

"You met her only weeks ago, remember, Sam?" Cas reminded him.

Sam shook his head. "Forget it. Well, hope you two are happy together," he said in a dismissive tone. "I need to get my stuff."

"Sam, don't you care about Dean? He's your brother. He needs your help. He needs you."

"It's pointless, Cas! I'm not wasting my time looking for someone who doesn't want to be found! I don't even know if he needs my help or much less,  _ wants _ it. Just stop bugging me about it."

Abruptly, Sam turned his back on Cas.

"Sam, please. You're not thinking clearly."

Sam turned back around, his eyes wild as he stared at Cas. 

"I can't look at you, you know? After what you did."

Cas looked at him, confused. 

"What do you mean, Sam?"

"You broke my Wall. I had Lucifer's hallucination on my back driving me crazy. I ended up in a psych ward because he wouldn't leave me alone."

"I had to stop Raphael from starting the Apocalypse! I hated that I hurt you in the process."

"You turned me into collateral damage. You put me last. And your plan fell apart when you could have healed me. Instead, you died and left us with those damn Leviathans."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry."

"I should have never forgiven you. Transferring the hell trauma into yourself was too little, too late. I was nothing to you in your bigger plan. I could have died when my Wall fell. All so you could save the world. I would have been an acceptable loss for you, don't deny it."

Cas felt like he would collapse. He wasn't sure if it was due to his failing Grace or the pain he felt at Sam attacking him in this way. 

"Sam, you should understand. You saved the world! You sacrificed yourself by trapping Lucifer in the Cage and taking Michael with you. You were a  _ hero _ ." Cas reminded him.

"Then I was wrong!" Sam yelled, raising his hands. "I'm done with it. With making stupid decisions that leave me suffering unbearable torture. With hunting. With Jess, I can have a happy, peaceful life. We can have a family together."

"If you feel that way, then you should go." 

Sam frowned at him. "While we're on the Cage, I haven't forgotten that you brought me back soulless."

"That wasn't my intention! You know I would never do that on purpose, Sam. I risked my life going alone to rescue you from the Cage. It was a miracle I got some of you out of the Cage. I was horrified when realizing your soul was left at the mercy of Lucifer and Michael."

Sam approached him, a fierce look on his face. He grabbed his collar.

"Don't think I'll just accept that. That it was an accident you left my soul behind. I can't read your mind. I can't just trust your word. It was  _ my soul _ , Castiel!"

Cas flinched. He wasn't sure if Sam would strike him.

"I speak the truth. I couldn't bear it when I knew you were soulless and I was to blame. It was an accident, Sam. Please believe me. It truly was  _ an honest accident _ ."

Sam still looked angry with him. Cas was sad that he wasn't getting through to him. 

Whatever Jess or Ruby -- if it was that demon Cas hoped to never see again -- was doing to Sam, it was turning Sam against Cas. And Cas almost couldn't bear to be in Sam's presence himself. The accusations Sam made hurt badly as Cas admitted some of it was true. He should have repaired Sam's Wall sooner, but his plan had gone wrong. 

But it had been a real accident that Cas had left Sam's soul behind. Though he conceded that he should have anticipated something going wrong. 

Flying down to the depths of Hell by himself when it would've been wiser to have other angels with him as back up.

Sam released his grip on Cas and stepped back.

He turned away from Cas without saying another word. Feeling awful, Cas watched Sam leave the room.

Cas looked down at the table and gripped it tightly.

He heard Hannah enter the room.

Cas tried to appear unaffected, but unfortunately Hannah didn’t seem to be fooled. Cas looked away from her and focused on staring at the surface of the table with unseeing eyes. 

"Sam is here. He came to get his things. He's heading to California with the Jess imposter."

“I’m surprised he returned here. Wouldn’t the imposter have tried to keep Sam close?”

Cas frowned, musing over her words. He could only shrug. “I don't know why he came back here. It doesn’t matter. Sam is still under her thrall, whoever she is.”

“It has to be Ruby,” said Hannah. She sounded absolutely certain of that.

Cas sighed. “Yes, I believe it’s her. We don’t have visual proof yet. All we can do…”

“I’m surprised you did not try to stop Sam Winchester from leaving,” Hannah interrupted him. “From not going to California.”

Cas collapsed into a chair at the table. He put his face in his hands. “We had a disagreement, Hannah. I cannot do anything for him.”

While he knew he shouldn’t give up so soon-- especially on Sam -- Cas couldn’t help it. The fatigue caused by his failing grace was really setting in now. He was at a near loss about what to do. Sam’s stinging words weighed down on him. 

Cas wondered if perhaps this was better that they had their fight. Now the harsh truth had been revealed. It was best that they remained apart. Cas needed to move on. He had hurt Sam enough over the last few years. He couldn’t bear the risk of hurting Sam once more if Sam was still spending time with him.

“Castiel, you’re the only hope that he has,” Hannah insisted, looking at him with imploring eyes. She placed her hand over his. “I’ve heard that Dean Winchester is keeping company with the King of Hell. There are strong rumors that the older Winchester is changed, that he most likely has  _ no interest _ in Sam or helping him.”

Cas sighed. He thought this news wasn’t all too surprising.

“Dean told Sam to let him go. I didn’t doubt Crowley was involved in this somehow.”

“It is all up to you now, Castiel. That is why I told you. You must make some difficult choices now. In this current state you’re in with your failing grace, you can’t stand up to the imposter. If she is the demon Ruby, then that is even more worrying. What do you think she will do against a weakened angel? She could defeat you easily.”

“Or she will leave me be, deciding I’m not worth the effort,” Cas suggested. Even he, though, didn’t believe his words.

Hannah looked at him with a sad look, and Cas noticed a hint of pity as well.

She set down a vial of what Cas was sure was angelic grace.

“You need a boost.”

Cas’s eyes widened. “Hannah-- that can’t be your…”

“I knew you would not like it, Castiel. That’s why I extracted some of my grace in private. I want you to take it. So you can do what you need to do without risking fainting. You need strength, you understand that. Please, take what I’m offering you.”

Cas stared in disbelief at Hannah. “I-- I’m not sure I can.”

“You must. There is no choice here. Let me help you. Every minute you are not helping get Sam back to his true self, is a minute that Sam gets further away. Perhaps even his own brother wouldn’t be enough to bring him back if he wanted to. Is this what you want? To lose him? You do care about the younger Winchester, do you not?”

Cas nodded. “Yes. You’re right, Hannah. I don’t like having to take your grace, but Sam is in danger. I have to help him,” he declared, but he didn’t sound or feel as confident about this endeavor as he wanted to.

He would do what he could. He was grateful at least that Hannah was here with him. Though she barely knew the Winchester brothers, Cas appreciated that she wanted to assist him with getting Sam back from the imposter’s clutches.

Hannah gave him an expectant look, nodding at the vial.

Cas sighed. 

"I'm not leaving. I want to see you take the grace from the vial. I want to be certain you'll have the strength to do what you need to do."

"Take grace from other angels by force," Cas said, feeling resigned to his fate. "Hopefully the element of surprise will help."

"You are a fighter, Castiel, a soldier. You can do this. I know it won't be easy and I do not like it either. But the demon Ruby could kill you if you don't have the strength to fight her."

Cas nodded. "We should do this in the dungeon. I don't wish to cross paths with Sam when he heads back in this direction to leave the Bunker."

Hannah looked weary like she believed Cas was stalling. Reluctantly, she gave him a nod and waved her hand for Cas to lead the way.

Once they were inside the dungeon, Cas set the vial down on the table. With Hannah watching him, Cas opened his mouth and knocked back the angelic grace from the vial. 

He felt the grace spread throughout him and his tiredness faded. He reveled in his fatigue going away, but Cas felt guilt that it was due to Hannah's grace he was feeling better.

"How are you?" Hannah asked, studying him carefully.

"I feel terrible," Cas said. At her disbelieving look, he shook his head. "I feel more alert. Your grace is helping me, Hannah. Thank you. I simply feel guilty that you sacrificed some of your Grace for me."

"It was my choice. Accept that. I wanted to help you. You requested my help after all."

Cas sighed, nodding. "Yes."

He prepared himself for what he had to do. He hoped he could save Sam by gaining more grace. Thinking about Sam with the imposter who was very likely Ruby made the skin of his vessel crawl. 

+++++++++++++++++

Sam was upset with Cas as he recalled their recent argument. He couldn't believe he still remained friends with Cas after what he had done to Sam. The angel had left Sam's soul at the mercy of Lucifer himself. And Cas had broken his Wall, causing Sam to fight to stay sane until he couldn't anymore. 

What also bothered him was that Cas was spending time with another angel. Hannah. It confused Sam. Though Cas had hurt him, Sam couldn't help feeling jealous and a little angry that Cas dared to find the company of someone else. That wasn't right.

He knew he should not feel this jealousy. After all, Sam had Jess back. He was so happy to reunite with her. Yet… the niggling feeling would not leave him alone. Sam didn't like that Cas had appeared to move on too.

The image of Cas with Hannah irked him and bothered him more than he felt it should. He had Jess by his side now. They were staying at a motel on their way to California. The two of them were going to be  _ happy _ . 

Sam was grateful that he could have a fresh start. It was a second chance of having a normal, peaceful life away from hunting and the danger and death that the hunting life brought.

He closed his eyes as he lay in bed with Jess beside him. For the life of him, Sam couldn’t fall asleep. He felt restless and anxious. He wanted so badly to get rid of those feelings. Yet still, when he shut his eyes he saw Cas kissing Hannah up against the wall, practically slamming her against the wall as the intensity of their making out didn’t abate. 

Sam gripped the sheets tightly as he witnessed Cas appear so enthusiastic in his affections. Moaning a little, Hannah started to remove Cas’s trench coat as they both walked back slowly to the bed a short distance away.

Sam’s eyes shot open. He couldn’t watch any more of that. He would survive on coffee if he had to. He couldn’t go to sleep. Not now. He vaguely recalled the disaster of his avoiding sleep while Lucifer’s hallucination hounded him. Not sleeping wouldn’t help no matter how much he loaded up on caffeine. But thinking back on the hell he went through with Lucifer’s hallucination reminded him that that had been in part Cas’s fault.

If Cas hadn’t broken that Wall… then he wouldn’t have hallucinated Lucifer and had trouble with establishing what was real and what wasn’t.

Jess woke up beside him. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked him in concern.

She touched his arm. 

Sam looked over at her, trying to form a smile on his face. “I’m good. Sorry that I woke you.”

“I could feel you moving around a lot,” Jess told him. She sounded worried as she asked him, “Are you having trouble sleeping? Is there a way I can help you? You need your rest.”

“Thank you. No, I’ll be fine. But I appreciate your concern.”

She smiled kindly at him and kissed him on the lips.

Jess stayed up with him. They talked about different things, which easily turned into reminiscing about their shared memories at Stanford. Sam appreciated her staying awake while he was dealing with a bout of insomnia.

Eventually, Sam grew tired and he finally succumbed to sleep. Jess’s head lay upon his chest and he had her arm around her.

He could almost forget about his last ill-fated visit with Cas. Fortunately, dreams of Cas and Hannah together didn’t plague Sam again that night.

++++++++

Cas waited in the shadows as he tailed the angel he was planning on attacking. He felt terrible even thinking about doing it.

He jumped, startled, when the angel spoke up.

"I know you are there, Castiel."

Though he was hesitant to step out of the darkness, Castiel did so.

“Ellis,” he said with a nod.

He thought to himself that he was doing this wrong. That he had lost the element of surprise.

“I heard there is trouble with the Winchesters. Sam and Dean,” Ellis commented casually.

“It’s none of your concern,” Cas said, his tone sharp. He felt defensive. 

He sensed that the other angel was aiming to insult them. And despite the present situation with Sam and Dean -- Sam being brainwashed and turning against Cas and Dean likely allying himself with the King of Hell -- Cas still considered them family. 

“It’s a sign, Castiel. The Winchesters are  _ done _ . You must let them go and find something else to occupy your time. Instead of being at their beck and call. Heaven needs all the angels it can get now after the loss of our brothers and sisters over the last few years. A lot of those losses are attributed to  _ you. _ But I don’t need to remind you of that.”

Cas gave him a dark look. “If you say Heaven needs angels, why are you on Earth, Ellis? You should think before you speak.”

“You know I’m right about the Winchester brothers though.”

Irritated, Cas clenched his hands into fists. He couldn’t help but recall that awful fight with Sam. It pained him to even think of.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said in a whisper, but he was sure his fellow angel had heard him.

The frustration regarding Ellis’s talk about the Winchesters spurred Cas on. He lunged forward with his angel blade in hand. Luckily, he had caught Ellis by surprise and managed to knock him to the ground. Cas admitted that having the borrowed grace from Hannah did help him here. He wasn’t sure he would have possessed the strength to carry this out in his previously weakened state.

He slit his throat and the angel grace flowed out of Ellis and Cas opened his mouth and the grace entered him. Cas felt stronger already, though he disliked what he had to do to get it. He needed this when he confronted Ruby. He sincerely hoped that killing the demon would release Sam from her thrall.

Ellis’s eyes were wide as he said, “I should have known,” he choked out.

“You talked too much,” Cas said in response.

Then he gutted him, stabbing the angel blade into the other angel’s abdomen. Ellis was gone. 

For a long moment, Cas simply stood there with the blood-covered angel blade in a loose grip in his hand. He was close to dropping the blade. He had to do this, he told himself again and again. 

Though after all the past times he’d killed other angels, Cas hated to do it again. Yet he did wish to help Sam, and he was willing to do whatever it took. He missed the Sam he had grown to care for. He was sure if Sam was in his right mind, he would have wanted Cas to save him. Sam hated being under someone else’s control.

The second angel Cas went after, he kept his cover -- not wishing to talk to another angel after the previous unpleasant incident. Though the grace he had now would most likely be enough, Cas didn’t want to take any chances. He would be better served to have more grace especially when Ruby returned with advanced powers she didn’t have previously.

He put the angel to sleep and then slit his throat. He stuck his blade in the angel’s gut. As Cas walked away, he kept saying silently to himself that this was for Sam. 

He had to save Sam.

+++++++


	3. Chapter 3

Cas was shocked to see what looked like Jessica Moore, Sam’s old girlfriend, standing in front of the entrance to the Bunker.

Senses on alert, he approached her. He looked at her more carefully and he gained the confirmation he had wanted.

He saw the woman’s true face. She was definitely not Jessica. Instead, it was the demon Ruby, as Hannah had warned him.

Ruby had returned and now she was masquerading as Jessica and manipulating Sam once again. This time, with powers Cas wished she didn’t possess. What she was doing to Sam was awful. 

“I know you know who I really am.”

“You are not Jessica Moore. You’re a demon. I will not have you hurting Sam. I will stop you. You manipulated him once, Ruby. Once Sam comes back to himself, he will ensure your death so you can’t continue to manipulate him,” Cas said with confidence. He glared at her.

Ruby smirked at him. “Whatever. That won’t happen. Sam is still perfectly under my spell. I came with a warning for you, Castiel. If you kill me, thinking it will stop Sam from being ‘brainwashed’, then you are wrong. I have a plan in place that will have Sam believing you killed Jess, and he will despise you. There will be no coming back from that.”

“He will still be under your control even following your demise,” Cas concluded slowly, unhappy with the revelation.

Ruby pointed a finger at him. “Got that right, Angel. The Cosmic Entity was very generous. He gave me a second chance, and I won’t waste it.”

Cas raised his brow, staring at her in disbelief. “Sam helped to kill you, do you remember? Why pretend to be his former girlfriend? You should be unable to bear remaining in his presence.”

“Well, it was Dean who stuck the knife in me.”

Cas gave her an annoyed look. That was no explanation.

Ruby smiled widely. “Guess I enjoy manipulating Sam Winchester. No hard feelings in his role in my murder. That’s in the past. I was in the mood to mess with him again. I get a thrill from the whole thing. I couldn’t miss the opportunity to screw with him again. It’s addictive, you could say. So you should stay away, Castiel. You can’t save Sam no matter how hard you try. Stop it. Or _I will stop you_.”

Feeling nearly defeated, Cas entered the Bunker once Ruby left, her threat hanging in the air.

Cas slowly walked down the stairs heading inside the Bunker. 

He went to the library where he found Hannah sitting at the table and looking through some texts. Cas recognized a distracted air about her. She didn’t seem as focused on the words on the page as she could have been. 

“Hannah,” Cas greeted her, his tone somber.

She looked at him. “Castiel, what happened?”

“I encountered Ruby. You were right. She is the Jess imposter.”

Hannah stood up, looking alarmed. “What did she say? She just let you go?”

“I think she feels confident enough in her manipulation over Sam that she didn’t find it necessary to kill me.” Cas explained to her. At Hannah’s expectant look, he continued on, “Ruby also told me that if I killed her, then she would ensure Sam would never forgive me. By making him believe I killed Jessica. Her hold over him will remain even _after_ she’s dead.” He let her know, sounding glum.

Hannah looked at him firmly in the eye. Cas was grateful to see the determined look in her eyes. That he wasn’t alone in this especially now after Ruby’s threat. 

“Well then. You must convince Sam Winchester to see that she is not Jessica Moore while Ruby is alive. Once he sees the truth, then he will decide what to do with the demon.”

“Sam will kill Ruby for tricking him like that. I’m sure of this,” Cas said firmly.

Hannah appeared to be in agreement. “Have you gained the angel grace you need?” She inquired of him, her voice sounding hesitant.

Cas could understand why. Getting the grace he required involved harming other fellow angels. It was not exactly a lighthearted topic of conversation.

He gave her a slight nod.

Hannah bit her lip and she asked him, “We both know borrowed angel grace will not last. I was considering that we should speak to Metatron. Question him to see if there was any of your grace remaining. Surely he didn’t require all of your grace for his terrible spell.”

Cas shot her a stern look. “No. No, Hannah. That will _not_ work. You know that. Metatron will request release from prison for the location of my remaining grace, if there is any left over.”

Hannah let out a sigh “But i _t is_ worth asking. Simply to know. You’ll feel better with some of your grace back, and it should regenerate over time. You can’t want to depend on borrowed grace for the remainder of your days. That’s no way to live. Please, Castiel.”

Cas shook his head, still vehemently against taking this course of action. “I forbid it. Do not go and see Metatron. This is regarding my grace and I wish you would respect my wish. I am happy Metatron is locked away. I want him to stay there. I don’t wish to negotiate with him _especially_ if he gets something he desires.”

Though he saw that Hannah wanted to say something, Cas didn’t wish to have this discussion any longer if it had to do with Metatron.

“I must leave,” Cas declared. 

Hannah reached out, placing her hand on his arm. “No, you are not in the best state to be on your own.”

Cas gave her a weak smile. “Let me go, please.”

Hannah dropped her hand with a resigned look on her face and Cas turned around and walked away and out of the Bunker. 

Cas knew it would not help much with defeating Ruby, but he needed more angel grace. For his own sake as borrowed grace did have a shelf life. If he was able to get more of it, then hopefully he could last longer than otherwise. He needed to be strong when he confronted Ruby. And perhaps he could use the grace to get Sam to see the truth about who Jess really was.

+++++++++++

Concerned was one way of putting it when Sam saw the pattern through an internet search on his laptop. There had been a recent string of people getting their throats slit and then stabbed in the gut. He knew full well that Cas was low on grace. He wondered if Cas was involved in these incidents.

Jess came into the room, having finished showering. “What’s up? What’re you looking at, Sam?” She asked him, curious.

Sam looked up at her. “Uh, just saw these news stories about people dying,” he informed her. “Their throats were slit, and I think Castiel is involved. He’s low on angel grace, and he could be draining them from other angels.”

Jess sighed, face looking weary. “I thought you were going to stop hunting, Sam. That’s what you told me. We can have a good life in California. I know you said Castiel was your friend, but you have to let him go. He’s an angel and I’m sure he has more important priorities than you. But _you have me_ , Sam. It doesn’t matter what Castiel is doing. He has his life, and you have yours. Now, you and I can share our lives _together._ We can have a home _together._ ”

Sam frowned. “He’s spending time with another angel. I think he’s happy with her,” he said, unable to stop the bitterness from seeping out in his voice.

Why did he even care? Not to mention he never saw Cas with Hannah in the Bunker. He was going by what Cas had said, that he was working with her. The only place Sam saw Cas with the other angel was in his imagination, the dreams he wished he would stop having. 

Jess gave him a smile that somehow made Sam feel better. He thought she looked beautiful when she smiled, especially when the smile was directed at him.

She leaned down, still smiling, and kissed Sam on the lips. “Relax, Sam. Take a break from straining your eyes on the screen,” she advised him as she gently shut the lid of Sam’s laptop. “We should go out and do something fun. Then we drive on to California.”

Sam nodded. That sounded really nice.

A big bang made them both jump. 

Sam’s eyes widened when the door was opened so abruptly and with such force that the door was coming off its hinges. He flinched at the loud sound. 

Cas entered the room, dropping his hand, which left Sam to guess that he’d used his powers to force open the door. His theory that Cas was draining angel grace was confirmed. He didn’t seem so weak now as before as he stood there, his blue eyes lit up with an intensity that unnerved Sam. Sam wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Cas this angry before.

Jess looked just as alarmed but she stood her ground.

“I won’t let you control Sam like this. He wouldn’t want this if he were in his right mind. I will save him from you, Ruby, if it’s the last thing I do,” Cas said fiercely.

Sam saw Cas’s eyes flash a bright blue and then darken, more befitting of his enraged mood.

“Cas, she’s _not Ruby,_ ” Sam corrected him.

“Sam’s right,” Jess said in a soft voice.

Sam stood in front of her and he watched Cas carefully.

Cas looked annoyed, but Sam noticed he was looking past him. Cas was still focused on Jess, still believing she was Ruby, the last person-- well, demon -- Sam ever wanted to see. Why was Cas being so cruel about keeping up with this lie that Jess, the girlfriend he wished had never died, was fuckin’ _Ruby_? Sam wished Cas would stop and just see the truth. That Jess was real, that she wasn’t a trick. She was a miracle who had returned to be with Sam again.

Cas didn’t say anything for what seemed like a long time. He nodded to himself as if coming to some sort of silent decision within himself.

“Well. If you want Sam to be out of my life, then I will make certain your wish comes true,” Cas said, his words careful as his eyes glared daggers at Jess. 

“I didn’t tell you anything,” Jess said. “The both of you can live separate lives. You should be happy. You have ‘angel business’ to focus on, don’t you? Why bother wasting your time with humans here on Earth?” She asked him thoughtfully.

Sam wasn’t a fan of what Jess had said. He had been through a lot with Cas over the years. Though Cas had hurt him deeply on several occasions, that didn’t change their history. He knew Cas cared more for humans overall than most other angels.

Cas looked at her in surprise. “Wasting my time?” He turned to Sam, a question in his eyes. “Do you agree with Jess?”

Sam didn’t know what to say. He loved Jess, was so happy to have her again in his life. She was the light he’d been missing in the years since her death. Hunting was a dark, grim endeavor most of the time that he couldn’t help but cling to the light of Jess’s presence. 

“I-- no, _hell no_ …” Sam said, though he sounded uncertain.

Cas didn’t look to have much faith in Sam’s stumbling answer.

“Alright. I’ll return to Heaven then,” Cas declared.

Cas took out his angel blade and directed the sharp end to his abdomen. 

Sam recalled Cas telling him that The Empty was where angels and demons go to die. If Cas was planning to kill himself, then… he was definitely _not r_ eturning to Heaven.

Meanwhile, Jess just stood there, seeming unaware of the implication of what Cas was doing.

Cas took a deep breath and then he exhaled, he pushed the blade in and Sam saw he was starting to bleed a little.

“No!” Sam shouted.

He waved his hand and the angel blade was out of Cas’s hands, thrown to the other side of the room.

Sam was shocked. His powers were gone. Weren’t they? How the hell was he able to do telekinesis now years after the Apocalypse?

Sam looked at Jess and he did a double take. He saw her form shift and Ruby, damned Ruby, standing before him.

“No, it can’t be you! You -- you bitch!” He exclaimed, feeling like the golden haze that had been clouded his perspective on things was lifting.

“Hiya, Sammy,” said Ruby. She sounded far too cheerful than she had any right to be. “Long time, no see.”

“I can’t -- no, I’m not talking to you!” He told her in anger. 

Sam made to grab the angel blade, but Cas was one step ahead. He tossed the weapon to Sam and he caught it.

Sam stuck the blade in Ruby before he had to hear her grating voice again. “My brother did this to you before. Now’s my chance,” he said grimly.

He twisted the angel blade for good measure. Ruby’s eyes glowed orange and her mouth opened wide as the blade did its job. Ridding the world -- Earth at least - of one particularly irritating, manipulative demon.

She fell to the hard ground, smiling weirdly enough.

Damn her. Sam was somewhat worried that it all seemed too easy, killing her again. Ruby hadn’t tried to run when Sam realized her true identity. Maybe she had her fill of screwing with him? Of playing on his emotions and pretending she was Jess? God, Sam desperately hoped Ruby was having a miserable time in The Empty wherever that was.

Sam looked up at Cas who was silent. Sam wished he knew the right thing to say, to fix this mess, but he doubted that was possible. At least if he wanted a fast resolution to what he’d said and done to Cas while he was brainwashed.

So he changed the subject. “Could you -- burn her body? It would be bad to have others see a dead body just laying here.”

Cas nodded. “Yes, I can do that.” He sounded distant as he spoke to Sam.

Sam couldn’t stand that Cas was like this with him. Though he did feel like a part of him deserved it after what he’d done even if Ruby had been manipulating him. 

He knelt down and pressed his fingers to Ruby’s forehead. She transformed into a human-shaped collection of ash. Soon, there was just a lot of ash on the ground where Ruby had once been.

“Thanks.” Sam said, feeling at a complete loss at how to proceed. He probably hadn’t needed to ask Cas to get rid of Ruby’s body.

“Cas --” Sam started. “I don’t know how that happened.”

Cas gave him a curious look. “With your powers? When you removed the blade out of my grasp through telekinesis? Those powers must still be inside of you. They have remained dormant except during times of heightened emotion,” he explained, appearing thoughtful.

“I didn’t want you to die,” Sam told him firmly. 

Cas’s blue eyes seemed sad as he looked at Sam.

“Thank you, Sam,” he said, sounding sincere.

Sam made an impulsive move in answer. He approached Cas until he was only a feet or two away from him. He grabbed Cas’s face and kissed him hard on the lips. He felt Cas kissing him back. Sam didn’t let go even to breathe. He had missed Cas and he had to express that somehow. He stepped back, breathless, and he was relieved to see Cas smiling at him, a real honest smile. 

“Sam, I must go,” Cas declared, his steady voice taking Sam out of his imagination.

No, unfortunately Sam didn’t think he would be kissing Cas anytime soon. 

Sam nodded. “I’ll see you at the Bunker.”

They had come in separate cars after all.

“That would be good.”

Sam wanted to shout out that they needed to talk this out now. Maybe they should travel in one car with one of them shotgun. Maybe then they could have a real conversation about what had just happened over the last few days. No, Sam reconsidered. He realized the Bunker would be better. A car was a small space after all with no place to escape to if the talk went sour. Though Sam had faith he could make things okay with Cas.

When Cas was about to leave, Sam couldn’t resist blurting out, “We’ll be okay, right?”

Cas turned back around and he looked at Sam with a solemn expression on his face. “Of course, Sam. Always.”

But Sam could tell that Cas wasn’t being completely truthful. He sighed as he watched Cas go out the door. 

The Bunker. They would discuss this back home. Sam had to give Cas some time. The angel was most likely still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster recently and Sam had a part to play in that. No matter how desperately Sam wished he hadn’t hurt Cas the way he had.

+++++++++++++


	4. Chapter 4

Sam looked up when Cas entered his bedroom. Sam dreaded talking to Cas especially after seeing the closed off expression on his face.

Though Sam badly wished he could forget what he said and did while Ruby -- masquerading as Jess -- manipulated him; he did remember.

The things he said to Cas, the blame he placed on the angel was something he'd never imagine doing. At least without an outside influence like Ruby messing with his head.

Sam stood up from his chair. He'd been fruitlessly trying to write his thoughts down in a journal at his desk. Every time it came to getting down his feelings for Cas, he froze. Even if it was just writing words down. He stared at the blank page and cursed Ruby coming back into his life in such a fucked up way.

At least Ruby was dead now. Again. Hopefully this time, her death would be permanent.

Sam gave Cas a slight smile. "I know it's been terrible the last few days with the whole Ruby deal. I'm really sorry, Cas, please you gotta understand. I remember what I said to you. They were awful things. I don't believe that. Ruby was trying to get you out of my life by me hurting you. Convincing you that we should be apart. But it didn't work!" Sam ended with an earnest shout. He was intent on showing that despite Ruby, he still wouldn't let Cas go. 

Sam continued, "I still wanted to know what you are up to. When I realized you were draining grace from other angels, I couldn't let that go. It bothered me that you were doing that." Sam let him know, and he paused to take a breath before he planned to say more.

Cas raised his hand, silently asking Sam to stop.

"I’m tired, Sam. I don't wish to discuss what happened. We are both alive and you are free from Ruby's influence. This is what matters."

"You had to have been hurt by what I said, Cas." Sam insisted. He desperately wanted Cas to talk about the accusations Sam made of Cas. Would Cas forgive him?

Cas studied Sam carefully. "What you said at that time was difficult for me to hear. You were right, Sam. I'm at fault. I needed to hear it. I believe it's best for me to leave. Hannah requires my assistance."

Sam reached out and grabbed Cas's wrist. "No, don't say that. I forgive you for all that. Please. Stay."

Cas shook his head. "I failed you, Sam. I can't stay. I must go."

He pulled his wrist away from Sam's loosening grip. Sam hated that Cas wouldn't look him in the eye.

Cas turned away from Sam and walked toward the door.

"I'll continue my search for Dean. If I need help, could I call you?" Sam asked hopefully.

Cas turned back around and gave Sam a quick nod. "I will aid you in any way I am able." Cas assured him. 

He turned away from Sam yet again. 

Not happy about he was leaving things with Cas, Sam spoke up, feeling anxious at what he would say next.

"Cas, you have to know. I think-- no, I'm sure I'm falling in love with you. Please. Don't leave like this. I can tell you're still upset with me."

After minutes of tense silence, Cas finally answered without even a glance at Sam.

"Hannah is waiting for me."

Then he was out the door fast before Sam could respond. 

Cas was gone. Sam stared sadly at the empty space where Cas had been standing moments ago.

Cas was gone. He'd left. Maybe they would still be friends -- with Cas helping Sam out in getting Dean back.

But Sam was sure that they would never be _more than_ friends now. He would never share a bed with Cas as they did before Sam saw "Jess" at the coffee shop. 

They would never take their relationship further as Sam had hoped for before this whole debacle. Their time together following Dean leaving seemed like another lifetime ago.

Feeling miserable, Sam sat down on his bed.

He put his face in his hands. Sam wondered how he was going to move on from this. The only thing he could think of was to focus all his attention on finding Dean. Pushing his turmoil about Cas aside, Sam stood up and headed out the room. 

+++++++++++++++++++++

Sam was beyond grateful that he had Dean back, the Dean he knew and had grown up with, not that messed up demon version of him.

Two days later following Dean’s return, Sam had to get some air. Especially when Dean was intent on getting an honest answer from Sam about what had gone down while Dean had been with Crowley. The last thing he wanted was to confess to his brother that he had fallen prey to being brainwashed _again._

He headed to a nearby coffee shop. Sam realized he could have been asking for trouble. Yes, Ruby had screwed with his head when he believed she was Jess at a different coffee place only days ago.

Unable to explain it, he did have a good feeling about visiting this coffee shop. Maybe it was his latent psychic powers waking up a little, but Sam decided to trust his intuition.

He had grabbed his hot coffee. But on his way out the door, Sam heard someone say his name.

Sam turned and looked around to locate the source of the voice.

“Marin?” He said, shocked.

He never thought he’d see her again after that time he’d helped her put her brother’s ghost to rest. Back when they were both in dark places in their lives. Sam’s time in that psychiatric ward was a painful memory. If it hadn’t been for Cas’s sacrifice…

“Sam!" Marin exclaimed. She looked happy as she smiled at Sam. "I never thought I’d have the opportunity to see you again.”

Sam smiled genuinely at Marin. 

He wanted to hug her, but his recent encounter with Ruby made him hesitant to get close to other women he hadn’t seen in some time.

“I’m glad you're looking better.” He told her sincerely. 

“Me too. How were you able to be discharged? Did you get on the right meds?” She asked him. “If that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer.” Marin was quick to add, trying to be polite.

Sam shook his head, “That’s fine. I have a close friend who helped me a lot. I owe him so much. I hated being stuck there in that Psych Ward. What about you?”

Marin looked at him in surprise. “Well it’s obvious, right? Like you said your friend helped you, _you helped me_ , Sam. Stopping my brother from haunting me freed me. I got on the right meds and now, I’m in a pretty good place in my life. So glad to be out of that hospital. You’re kind of like a hero for me, Sam.” She admitted to him, looking slightly sheepish at him.

“I’m just grateful I could help you,” Sam told her.

Thinking back to that time made him inevitably think of Cas. After all, Cas had been _Sam’s_ savior when Lucifer’s hallucination was driving him insane. He grew sad at the thought of the broken state of their relationship now. Sam wondered if the sadness reached his eyes because he surely felt tears building up in the corners of his eyes now. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Marin asked him softly. She seemed to sense Sam’s melancholy mood. “It would be nice for us to catch up,” she said.

Sam smiled, nodding at her. “That’s a great idea.”

He was glad his intuition steered him right this time. It was nice to reunite with someone he had helped.

They strolled down the sidewalk and drank their coffees, making conversation as they did so. At one point, Sam’s cellphone let out a ring and he grabbed it out of his jacket pocket.

He couldn’t help but grin at the text. It was from Cas.

_“Dean has left me voicemails and texts wanting to know what happened while he was away. How do I make him stop? Can you help me, Sam?”_

Sam shook his head. Maybe things would be alright between him and Cas. He just needed to take repairing their relationship one day at a time. 

“What is it?” Marin asked, her curiosity getting the best of her it seemed.

Sam turned to her, still smiling. “A friend needs my help.”

+++++++++++++++ The End +++++++++++++++ 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the story. :D Please leave kudos/comments. I really appreciate it!
> 
>  **Author's Note:** I couldn't resist the chance to bring Marin (from Episode 7x17 The Born-Again Identity) into this story. The storyline with Sam helping her even if he was a mess himself (poor Sam!) was compelling. I liked the idea of having them reunite. I thought it would be good for Sam following his ordeal.


End file.
